Zombie Apocalypse

Tomorrow, September 15th 2019, I will start a 9-day HEALTHY FOOD detox. Mostly because I need to lose weight but also for my overall livelihood. Back in my 20s, I ate whatever I wanted and barely exercised and maintained the same weight. Life was gravy back then. I had my 2nd and last child at the age of 28 so throughout my 30s, I attributed my weight to “baby fat.”

Now I’m in my 40s at my heaviest with no excuses to fall back on. I know my metabolism has slowed down and I admit I eat a lot of unhealthy food. For me, my 40s have been my most enlightened years. I’ve embraced the person God created me to be and my hopes and visions are abundant and versatile. But it’s also been a time of massive introspection. What good are my ideas and plans if my body is slow and sluggish?

I used to watch a VH1 show called Celebrity Fit Club. I initially found it entertaining but later became inspired by the success stories. The resident doctor on the show was Dr. Ian K. Smith and I dug his style. His approach was realistic and compassionate so I purchased his book, The Fat Smash Diet, and put it to the test. The 1st chapter, at least.

Following the 1st phase of the diet, Detox, taught me the key to losing weight: my food intake. This was bittersweet for me because in 9 days, I lost 7lbs but I also realized that exercise alone wouldn’t work. I love food so much that I’d rather exercise every day of the week than give up my favorite foodies. I gained back those 7lbs (and then some) but it was a life lesson I’ll never forget.

Fast forward about 12 years later and I’m ready to smash the fat with Dr. Ian again. I went to the grocery store and loaded up on the foods/drinks I’m going to consume for the next 9 days: water, lowfat milk, herbal tea, egg whites, brown rice, plain oatmeal, lowfat yogurt, beans (garbonzo, black, kidney), and tons of fruits and veggies. Today is my last “cheat” day so I’m enjoying it but have a dogged determination for a successful tomorrow and following 8 days.

Why is losing weight SO DAMN HARD? I consider myself strong-minded but hot damn, this shit is a challenge. I find myself frequently hungry and the thought of not being able to eat freely saddens and frustrates me. But I can’t be a bitch baby about something as important as my health so I’m gonna stick to this no matter what. I believe writing down and meditating on the positive aspects will help keep me focused so here goes:

  • I’ll look better (simple but true)
  • I’ll be able to play tennis better (very important in my life)
  • I’ll feel incredibly proud of myself (you got this woman!)
  • I’ll hopefully avoid fatty diseases and ailments and live longer
  • On the same note when I’m older, I’ll still be supa dupa fly

So why is this blog entitled Zombie Apocalypse? Because I refer to it all the time in terms of how spoiled and privileged we are as a society. We drink special bottled water, we only want our favorite sugary cereals or pastries, we throw away perfectly good food just because the sticker says “sell by this date”, we lust for greasy fast food. But bump that yo!

What if there was a zombie apocalypse and we were all trapped in our houses trying not to be eaten alive? What if all we had to eat while being trapped was healthy foods? We’d thank our lucky stars and happily eat that healthy food! Remember when The Walking Dead crew almost ate dog food (or was it cat food?) Either way, they were so desperate for food that they contemplated eating nasty ass slop barely fit for animals. If I view food through my zombie apocalypse glasses, I’m hoping it will keep things in perspective when I can’t have cake or cookies or bacon.


Who’s the Boss?

Great 80s show with an interesting premise of a man working as a housekeeper for a successful woman.

I’ve been working administrative office-type jobs since I was 20-ish. Without a college degree, it seemed like my only way to make some decent dough in a respectable environment. I was able to land office jobs easily which, over the years, lulled me into a dangerous sense of security that I could always fall back on an office job. Administrative-Executive Assistant-Clerical-Receptionist girl became my thing. As long as there wasn’t too much drama, I was content sitting behind a desk bustin’ my arse for someone else.

Of all the office jobs I’ve had throughout my life, it was the last one that pushed me over the edge and propelled me into greatness. I spent almost 8 years moaning and crying about how much I hated the company yet I allowed myself to remain in that corporate hell because it was “5 minutes away from home” and provided me with “flexible hours” and the “paycheck was nice.” Those were my sorry excuses for not leaving a place that threatened to steal my sanity every day.

Until that one sweet day when ENOUGH was ENOUGH.

I began searching my soul for what I really wanted to do and be and all the ways I could make it happen. Self doubt turned into self confidence and I created momentum that helped me escape from that damn desk and stupid dark corner I sat in for so many years.

I heard a phrase that resonated deep in my soul which I don’t remember verbatim but the gist was this: If you don’t pursue your passions, you’ll spend the rest of your life working to sustain someone else’s. OUCH and OH HELL NO.

I don’t know how that statement makes you feel but I’m a Leo Lioness Warrior Queen and that ticked me off. Initially, I was just irked in general. Then it really hit me and I was angry at myself for allowing this to happen. It stings like crazy when you accept responsibility for fluckin up your life. But it’s this same sting that will push you to finally make a change. I’m big on owning up to my mistakes and bad decisions…it’s the only way to learn and grow from them. If you deflect from your own bad decisions, you’re doomed to repeat them and I had spent far too many years of my life on repeat.

I believe that good can come from any situation and this belief is very apparent in my life right now. All the pain, frustration, and tears forced me to take action and take full control of my life. The years of slaving for others has materialized into a hunger to work for myself and be my own freakin’ boss. It feels like a sick & twisted necessity: the absolute WORST and MOST PAINFUL situations prepare us for the BEST and MOST REWARDING victories. Like a rite of passage. A hazing into greatness. Not for the faint of heart.

So at the end of the day, I give gratitude for those difficult experiences. For all the annoying arse people I was forced to be around and work with. For the weak arse management that created a dysfunctional environment which rewarded the lazy incompetents and punished the dedicated hard workers. To all you shlub hubs who tried to keep me down and steal my accolades and take credit for my above-and-beyond labor and toil: THANK YOU for being my stepping stone to freedom. 🙂